by
MasturThespian
News Flash: The P0rn industry has officially reached one of the last untouched corners of the globe, the Holy Land. My quest for p0rn has spanned many cities and a even a couple of foreign countries, but nowhere else has the effort been as fruitless as the State of Israel. Believe me, I've looked in all the seediest areas of Tel Aviv, Haifa, even the holiest city, Jerusalem searching for p0rn from the Arab Shouk to the Central Bus Station, and the best I could find were 4 color newspaper-quality with some sexy, Mediterranean brunette, with her mouth open gracing the cover, and a title written in Hebrew. Since I'm only half-Israeli, I can't really read Hebrew, outside of that in my Torah portion, written by the ancients, not pornographers. Israeli sexual culture has always about 20 years behind the US, so what I saw in Assraelis puts us at about the year 1987, which is a real shame because most Israeli women in the Zahal (Army) look awesome in their standard issue combat boots and ass-tight fatigues. That being said, 1987 was a good year for p0rn in the US; anal was in full blast, and gangbangs were fresh new territory. I had a great time watching this flick from the Hebrew copyright warnings to the Disengoff69 trailers. I'm proud to say that I am the very first to review this historic piece of Israeli porn on the face of the Earth. Each scene is its own display of wonderment in Israeli culture, and they start us off slow and easy.
The first scene starts off with two guys, Ehud Sa’ado and Shotty G, driving through Tel Aviv, in a small four door taxi, roof rack and at least three Hamsa blessing charms hanging from the rearview mirror. Excellent! Two tall girls, May Buskila (who looks like an Israeli Olivia De Treville, but you know, Jewish) and Alma Fauck (who looks like a typical Israeli-born girl with almond-shaped eyes, a great figure and a small pube tat) get in the taxi with Shotty G in the back with May Buskila in miniskirt Euro gear from the last millennium. They drive to a deserted beach parking lot and the girls commence individual blowjobs, right outside the taxi, and the sex in public action is quite hot. There is some dick sharing, hairless pussy eating, rabbit-speed standing doggy, bouncing RCG from the passenger seat, partner swapping, an extra long doggie scene, and facials. This scene was just ok, in my book, but I’m sure it was hell to film.
Manoy and Rony are typical of post-Army Israeli couples, meeting on a Tel Aviv beach, and driving somewhere faraway to make love like a cliffside in Herzeliyah. Rony has a great body with firm natural c cups, pointy nipples, and beautiful real curves. It's a straight, oral, 69, mish, and doggie vag scene progression with no gonzo surprises, other than that she cums three times and they continue though an Army platoon shows up to watch. Very nice couples porn!
Another scene has two guys, Ehud Sa’ado and Ron Dankner, on one cute, b-cupped curly 19-year old redhead named Shelly Mimon with full lips like Sandra Bernhard, but much, much prettier and innocent-looking. The scene is filmed in what looks like a housing construction site and Ron finds her caressing herself and helps her by massaging her breasts. Ehud comes in and gets some head while Ron, gets her pussy for doggie. She looks great giving no-hands deep head to both men, doggie, and a very hot and fast pumping RCG pussy and anal, while she gives Ron head, which is super hot and well filmed and lit. They do a DP (though the camera doesn’t show the penetration for very long, but there is gape), but there was one wood limping moment, and most typically Israeli, happens mid-DP when a largish cellphone starts to ring loudly and Ron chooses to answer it. The look of the bottom man, Ehud, is priceless, as even he can't believe that the guy is carrying on a conversation. The action stops and we get to hear the conversation. This moment brought to you by Cellcom, when you absolutely, positively must tell someone: Yes, everything's okay. Now back to the DP, some p2a and a2p and a drippy, open mouthed facial with cleanup. Awesome scene, despite the short interruption
There’s another outdoor multiple suck and fuck in Kibbutz wear (khaki baggy shorts and army-style brimmed caps) alternating between Rony and two guys and May with Ehud and Shotty G. She does some dick sucking, safe sex vag, and unnatural anal RCG. Romy’s pussy looks great lips flayed open taking it in anal for a long time and the heat is real, none of this fake moaning shit, you see in American couples porn. May gets analed amidships up against a tree and doggie with some spanking, a facial, and some great messy cleanup. Very hot scene, because it feels so real!
So far, no laws are broken and I think the actors are having fun, too. Sure the camerawork, editing, and lighting could be a better and a little more explicit, but hey this is Israel, they’re probably just happy to not be stopped by the paramilitary police, the Army, or both. The actors, though relatively unknown internationally, all look in great physical shape, the girls with long black Mediterranean looks, and the guys, all tight-stomached and pretty good looking. I gave it 4 Kleenexes as a solid effort with real heat, beautiful talent, and the first chance the world will see hot Israelis out of their fatigues, off their cellphones, and into each other fucking. Welcome to the new HaAretz!
Does ASSRAELIS sound like it's
right up your alley? Buy it on
DVD
DVD Features Include: bonus footage | behind-the- scenes | slidshow | preview trailers | preview trailers
Running Time: 150 minutes | Production Date: 01-19-2007
Cooter the counting cactus says that you are smutmonkey number 3979 to read this Rancho Review.
DATE POSTED: 2007-01-30
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