I'm really not feeling up to writing porn reviews today. But I have to. It's my job. I have to feed my 20 cats don't I? Who else would they have if Rancho doesn't pay me?
Erotic Intentions (hate the name, hate the box) is a solid movie with humping that will not leave your penis unaffected (sort of like any ER episode with Abby in it). The story is thus: Jewel is having trouble paying the rent for her strip club. So, she comes up with the idea of having blue-collar girls (a cop, a welder) strip in a contest to bring in the Joes. Nevermind that the first time strippers look more like extremely experienced pornstars.
Firstly, Julian hammers his monsterous, huge, big, burly dick into the pierced twat of a hot brunette. Sorry, I barely have the energy to write this, let alone figure out who the fuck the women are. The fucking is good and solid and there are smooth fades between positions. Jewel then draps herself over the half-a-steer torso of Dillion. They fuck. I don't care much for Jewel's theatics. No matter how much she goes "Oooooo! OOooooo!" she will never win anything for her acting besides whatever swag they give away at the AVN. But she's drippy and the sex is animal-like so no problems.
After some girls dance around (kinda fun), Dayton spends thirty minutes putting on a cop uniform that Lee Stone rips off in thirty seconds. There's hair-pulling and doggy style. I like, I like, even though Lee is sorta freaky looking and could pop your head off without even straining those pythons. Scene #4 is two chicks in a bar, drizzling "liquor" (AKA water) all over each other. Some good wet twat shots but not much else. Evan takes on Aria (I think) in a poolhall. When he goes down on her it looks like he's trying to rip apart a steak with his teeth. Good job, Evan! And lastly, Julian rocks a blonde for the final moneyshot.
But, screw the movie. Here's what I really want to talk about: in the bonus scenes there's a clip from a movie called Amateur Angels 4, starring Ann Marie and Becca Bratt. HOLY SHIT. IT IS GREAT. Becca is shaved clean and has a tattoo above her slot that says "Pretty." Get it? The girls kiss, fuck each other with dildos and 69 for a really long time. There's never enough 69 in porno movies. This is one of the freshest, cutest lesbo scenes I've seen for a long, long time.
So, I dunno. Maybe buy Erotic Intentions because it's a pretty good flick. Maybe seek out Amateur Angels 4. Or maybe just buy Erotic Intentions and get a little bit of both.
Does EROTIC INTENTIONS sound like it's
right up your alley? Buy it on
DVD
DVD Features Include: behind the scenes | bonus scenes | cast bios | digitally remastered | dvd-rom compatible | full motion chapters | photo gallery | playable worldwide | previews | web access
Running Time: 102 minutes | Production Date: 07-02-2002
Cooter the counting cactus says that you are smutmonkey number 6768 to read this Rancho Review.
DATE POSTED: 12-09-2002
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