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HAUNTED
HAUNTED Buy DVD

-from Legend

Rancho Rating: ****
Director: Jerome Tanner

Starring: Bobby Vitale, Briana Banks, Claudia Adkins, Dillon Day, Evan Stone, Friday, Lee Stone, Mark Wood, Miss Arroyo, Toni James

4 kleenexes
Scooby Doo - A XXX Parody


Read our Review

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by Gunner Meadows

OK now we have a plot, regardless of how thin... its a plot.

Brianna Banks, Friday, Miss Arroyo and a few other chicks go to a house Brianna has found and find out... now get this; its haunted what a surprise.

Not only is it haunted but its haunted by whores. Thats right, whores. Story has it that the house is built on the remains of a burned down whore house from the roaring twenties. Strangely we only see one ghost whore, but a whole lot of idiot "patrons" show up. What the hell? Who goes to a whore house with one whore? Not this guy, that's for sure. How would you like sloppy 3000ths? But I digress.

After their hillarious attempt at a seance Friday the fatty goes to bed, now I must say that the main fuck stud must be strong as an ox, and not just hung like one because he actually carries Friday into the bedroom and with out a single bead of sweat on his ugly little head. Then she gets it from her ghostly humpper. With all of the special effects magic a porn film can muster he slips her nighty off and you can't see him!!! Wow this is special effects knowhow (if you watch the behind the scenes portion you can see them practicing pulling a strung dildo out of brianna's meaty monkey cage). Friday is sure excited, because she runs into the next room to show everybody the baby batter all over her fat tits.

Then, in the strangest part of the whole movie (and maybe the stranges concept I've ever been forced to consider), the fire place starts to leak man juice. Don't ask me, I don't even want to know.

Then as you guessed it, a few other ghostly film wrecking props (human males) fuck our female stars.

I hated that aspect of this film. Where are all the whores? There is only one female ghost to speak of and she is fairly hot if you can handle seeing the edges of her implants through her skin Yowza, and if you don't mind an 80's haircut on the verge of a fe-mullet. Her outfit is nice and her fuck faces are good so all in all the ghost whore scenes are OK, but I WANTED MORE GHOST WHORES, GODDAMMIT.

The final scene is fabulous. Brianna banks absolutely rails herself with a big red dildo. It's the same big red you see them yank out of her junk with a wire in the "Behind the scenes" portion of this DVD. Strangely you also see the final flesh dildo back hand brianna in order to get her ready to film again, she laughs and lays down like the good nympho she is.

At any rate the brianna dildo scene makes this whole film worthwhile.

Does HAUNTED sound like it's right up your alley? Buy it on DVD


DVD Features Include: interactive menus | large photo gallery | behind the scenes featurette | chapter selections | full length feature | playable worldwide | sub chapters | behind the scenes featurette | chapter selections | full length feature | interactive menus | playable worldwide


Cooter the counting cactus says that you are smutmonkey number 3849 to read this Rancho Review.


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