by
Ack Ack Chewahwah
I get the feeling that the five scenes from Tales from the Script from Legend were cobbled together from other movies to make a new movie. Some of the scenes appear to have been made specifically for this flick, but I know I've seen at least one of them before, in another Legend movie. Even if we ignore the possibly recycled quality of Tales it's not all that great. With Nina Ferrari and Joel Lawrence as the fearless line-fumbling leaders, how great could it ever be? Nina and Joel tell ghost stories by a late-night fire and we fade away to fuck scenes that uh, sort of relate to the ghost stories (since they all involve fucking). Urban fucklore - potentially a good idea - is just not developed at all here. There are no ghosts, nothing supernatural, nothing creepy. Just pornstars sitting on a couch. Or is that creepy?
Anyhoo, in the first tale of tail Brian Sureugly eats up Sandy Knight's buttery biscuit before stretching out her smooth pierced slot with a little of the old in-out. Sandy's supposed to be Bloody Mary. Lucky, she's not bloody. At all. The second scene was the one I've seen before, starring Nikita "My Ass will Absorb You like Sponge" Denise and some dude. Everybody loves fucking Nikita's bum. It never fails. She's been type-cast, poor thing. She always comes through though. Ah yes.
Next, Hannah Harper and another dude (they're all just dudes to me) rail on a waterbed. There's lots of spit, two fingers in Hannah's puckered starfish and by the time the dude pummels poor Hannah's ass with his penis of power, there's plenty of butterscotch drippage to revolt/arouse you. And there's an Oliva print on the wall. Salena del Ray fucks yet another dude in scene four. Salena's about 400 pounds lighter than the last time I saw her. She's hatched out a few babies in her days. And her boobs are floppy. And she makes noises like a mouse with a stirred-up brain. Yeah. Maybe next time I see her she'll be hot. Finally, Joel and Nina predicably fuck and she makes cooey sounds like she's enjoying a cheesecake. Joel rolls her over and humps her doggy style for the homestretch.
It'll get you off, but it's just average. And maybe recycled. I like my porn pure and fresh like a not-pornstar.
Does TALES FROM THE SCRIPT sound like it's
right up your alley? Buy it on
DVD
DVD Features Include: behind the scenes featurette | chapter selections | full length feature | interactive animated menus | photo gallery | playable worldwide | sub chapters
Cooter the counting cactus says that you are smutmonkey number 2277 to read this Rancho Review.
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