by
Kris Kjorness
After some hardrockin' music and computer animation, Fetish and Magic sets out to justify its title. The Magic Photo Circus is back in town (What's up, Budapest?). When people get their pictures taken next to a backdrop of horses, for example, they're magically transported off to a fantasy realm incorporating that theme. So that's the magic part.
The fetish part is explained by the first scene. A man wearing blinders and a lot of leather prances around a horse-training rink while Dina Pearl whips his legs a bit. Then Dina saddles the man and rides him around on the grass. It's sort of like Alice in Wonderland meets red and black vinyl night at some basement club. The horse-man licks the nice slotage on the slutage and then, oh dear, Mistress Michelle Wild rides up in her horse cart drawn by two slaves. Then everyone fucks. The sort of silly get-up and facepaint makes the whole event look like a late-night WWF match (or WCW, whatever, you fuckers). But, everyone fucks. And there's some come regurgitation. Tim Burton doesn't have nothing on this.
There are four scenes on Fetish and Magic. They're all decently long and full of more full on hardcore than you could ever hope to see in your living room in your lifetime. Scene two depicts a newsman taking on Liza and Michelle. Some of the action gets blown-up movie theater size behind the pornstars which is cool (who doesn't think a 30 foot high twat is cool?). What's great about this scene is that the talking is in English instead of being dubbed into English - the groans, etc. remain original sound as well. After some anal and dildo action it's on to scene three which is based on...tomatoes? Yupe, bathtubs full of tomatoes. Don't ask me. I only write about it after the fact. Michelle, Veronica and some guy lather up each other's holes before Michelle takes it in the rear from a penis and in the front from a dildo. She makes her usual exaggerated dying/loving-it faces the whole time.
But the last scene is truly the strangest. I'd rank this movie much higher if the strangeness actually turned me on, but it didn't. The setting this time is a huge warehouse full of fire and chains and cool busted up shit. It looks like a Survival Research Laboratories battlefield, post-show. Michelle, Agnes and Fanny fuck two boys every which way to Christmas including some DP and anal. But then the little midget who runs the Magic Photo show accidentally gets sucked into the fantasy too. Instead of jumping into the fucking (now THAT would turn me on) he hovers above the action yelling dumb things like "Spread her legs more!" over a megaphone. This whole schtick is about as erotic as a barium enema. It's funny, of course, but doesn't really make for great porn.
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Cooter the counting cactus says that you are smutmonkey number 2799 to read this Rancho Review.
DATE POSTED: 06-13-2002
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