Newest Adult
Movie Reviews

1. Lesbian Psychodramas #4
2. Lesbian Psychodramas #2 - The Land Ladies
3. Lesbian Psychodramas #1
4. Hustler\'s Busty Beauties - Top Shelf Titties
5. Homegrown Video 764 - You Can Cum On Me
6. Touch And Blow
7. The Stepmother #4 - Her Secret Past
8. Shane Diesel\'s Cuckold Stories #2
9. Deep In The Butt
10. Nasty Make-up 2

This Month's Hot Movie Reviews

1. Lesbian Psychodramas #2 - The Land Ladies
2. Shane Diesel\'s Cuckold Stories #2
3. Big Sexy Titties
4. Blacks On Blondes - Race Relations #2
5. Deep In The Butt
6. Dare Dorm #9
7. Homegrown Video 764 - You Can Cum On Me
8. The Stepmother #4 - Her Secret Past
9. Touch And Blow
10. Lesbian Psychodramas #4

Adult Movie
Directory

-from Vivid

Rancho Rating: *
Director: Paul Thomas

Starring: Anthony Crane, Briana Banks, Chandler, Cherie, Dasha, Dillon Day, Jean Luc Godard, Pat Myne

by Evil Jarod

A film that you have to fast forward through 98 percent of isn't really worthy of reviewing, but if you feel compelled to watch it, here's a viewing guide to make your experience a little less excruciating:

00:01-00:52 Fast forward through title sequence and credits.

00:53-05:56 Play movie, attempt to play with self.

05:57-11:54 Fast forward when you realize the chick you're watching with the Hebrew tattoos on her ass has thighs with the lumpy consistency of Wheatina.

11:55-12:26 Play, watch money shot.

12:27-15:23 Fat forward through insipid dialogue.

15:24-21:49 Play luke warm lesbian scene.

21:50-27:59 Scramble for fast forward button when you notice that the big titted lesbian has Ethiopian legs like a paraplegic Calista Flockhart.

27:59-22:48 Rewind to make sure you weren't seeing things.

22:49-23:00 Play, get a good load of Olive Oyl's spindly appendages.

23:01-27:59 Fast forward. Consider sending a care package to the poor girl c/o Vivid Video.

28:00-28:01 Play.

28:02-35:04 Fast forward through insipid dialogue.

35:05-48:28 Play the first scene in the movie that might let you rub one out.

48:29-56:19 Fast forward through insipid dialogue.

56:20-56:48 Play scene where guy rims some broad on an exercise bike.

56:49-1:06:39 Fast forward in disgust when you realize the bitch on the bike is the same cellulite dimpled pig from scene I.

1:06:40-1:06:41 Pause to marvel at the quality and quantity of pubic pimples and ingrown hairs on the cellulite broad.

1:06:41-1:09:13 Resume fast forwarding.

1:09:14-1:09:32 Play another uninspired money shot.

1:09:33-1:11:22 Fast forward through insipid dialogue.

1:11:23-1:23:45 Play the second (and last) scene in this mess worth watching.

End Write disgruntled e-mail to Vivid insulting the current level of their so-called talent. Pop in old Jenna Jameson tape from when they used to make watchable films. Finish yourself off.

Does UPPER CLASS sound like it's right up your alley? Buy it on DVD

DVD Features Include: multiple angles | previews | full motion chapters | playable worldwide | dvd-rom compatible | tons of erotic extras

Cooter the counting cactus says that you are smutmonkey number 4080 to read this Rancho Review.
DATE POSTED: 12-09-2002

Reader comments

---

What do you think? Tell us what you think about the movie or the review. Maximum of 255 characters. If you need more than that, email us about being an official Rancho reviewer. If you're more scene breakdowns, etc., check cavr.com or the iafd. We're after something different from our reviewers.
Name (What's your name or pseudonym?) Your title (Are you a fan? Pornstar? Director?) E-mail address (OPTIONAL. Will not be published on the site or added to an email list. We promise.)	Your Rating of this DVD Rate N/A *[1] **[2] ***[3] ****[4] *****[5] (How many stars do you give this movie?)
Comments: (html not allowed) characters left:
Access Code: Enter Access Code:

Find More Reviews:

IAFD

Reviews on IAFD