You gotta give JM Productions credit. The intro movie for the company made me feel sort of sick even before I got to the presentation. But, well, this is my job. I'm tough. I can take images of buttholes squirting out green liquids. I'm tough. Anyway, if you're not into the hardcore, this shit will give you nightmares, that's all I'll say.
Perverted Stories 5 for JM is an early one in the series. Like the rest of the movies, you'll find 4 vignettes on this installment. The first is called "Stories from the Woods." Extra-hippy Missy ("Baby-makin' machine" my dad would say) runs nude through the woods before being accosted by two satyr-ish penis-packing types. In typical JM fashion, these devils take the woman like they're pluckin' fruit. Grab and suck, grab, grab, grab. Ahh, isn't it nice to go to where women are just mindless fuck-toys for awhile? Anyway, as far as I could tell there's no sodomy in this scene, darn it, but Missy does end up with a gallon of satyr-spunk dripping down her chin.
Continuing with the spreadin' disease theme, mega-pregnant Fallon stars in "The Exam." I didn't like this one. Not at all. Nasty, hairy pregnant women should stay home and think about how they got pregnant in the first place. The "exam room" is just a room with a table in it, and the "doctor" comes in wearing a fur-lined parka, sunglasses and yellow rubber gloves (the kind that work well for dumpster diving). What the fuck is that all about? Poor Fallon's beat-up junk sees the light of day once again, but luckily the doctor has a strong stomach. After a DP with a pink dildo, Fallon probably went home to cry over her ruined life. Yuck.
Story three, "Blind Date," isn't much of a story. A guy with a fake third eye fucks a 400 year old rock bitch on a couch. He's no looker either with all those old acne scars. And wouldn't you feel a little silly with a fake eye on your forehead and your dick up an ass? Heh, well I would. Another nitpick: I hate it when flashbulbs go off during the fucking. I wish company's would take their box shots before or after or edit out the flashes.
"The Anal Office" saves the movie from negative land, mostly because it sort of freaked me out. Three men wearing scary president Halloween masks (Clinton, Bush and Reagan respectively) rail Jordan Lee every which way. I can't tell who Clinton is due to the mask, but I swear that billowing gut and carpet of chest hair belong to Ron Jeremy. Could be wrong, could be wrong, but it looked like it. Some anal, some DP...yep, you'll get nightmares from this and just watching it will send you directly to hell. Have fun!
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DATE POSTED: 04-17-2002